If a child isn’t emotionally supported by their primary caregiver, it can have long-term impacts on their health and well-being. A lack of a secure bond early in life can lead to difficulty forming healthy relationships in adulthood, and it may also interfere with their ability to regulate emotions. Fortunately, the damage from attachment difficulties is repairable with time and patience.
Children with attachment problems are often fearful of commitment and find it difficult to trust others. They may become clingy and needy or be jealous and possessive in relationships, which can strain those bonds. They also struggle with hypervigilance, which means they constantly scan for signs of rejection or abandonment and can interpret even neutral behaviors as negative threats. This can cause them to become controlling, resulting in misunderstandings, fights, and other conflicts that can drive partners away.
The causes of attachment difficulties are many and varied. Abuse, neglect, and mental health issues like depression or bipolar disorder can have a serious impact on a child’s emotional development. Other factors can include a child’s temperament and their caregiver’s ability to respond to their needs, as well as the nature of their childhood experiences.
A parent or caregiver who is consistently unresponsive to a child’s needs can create an insecure attachment style, leading the child to believe they can’t count on anyone. This type of attachment is often the result of neglect, abuse, or a medical condition that prevents the caregiver from being able to interact with their child.
Insecure attachment is also common when a child has experienced traumatic events or prolonged periods of separation from their primary caregiver, such as spending time in foster care or an orphanage. This can cause the child to view the world as a scary, dangerous place. They may also have a hard time regulating their emotions, which can cause them to feel unstable and disconnected from their needs and feelings.
If you suspect a child has attachment issues, consult their doctor or pediatrician. They will conduct a physical exam and run lab tests to rule out any underlying medical or psychiatric conditions that could be contributing to their symptoms. They will use the diagnostic criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to diagnose a child with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) or disinhibited social and anxious attachment disorder (DSED).
Providing your child with consistent love and attention is crucial. Help them learn to recognize their own emotions by letting them express themselves in safe ways. Encourage them to play, talk, and listen with you. You can even read them books to show your child that you’re always there to support them. Set aside quality time for your child every day and make it a priority. If you get frustrated or upset with your child, own up to it and initiate a conversation to repair the relationship. Be sure to provide a safe and supportive environment by reducing other demands on your time, managing stress, and getting enough rest.